Gaston: Richard White Lefou: Jesse Corti CHORUS GASTON: Who does she think she is?! That girl has tangled with the wrong man! No one says no to Gaston! LEFOU: Darn right! GASTON: Dismissed! Rejected! Publically humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear. LEFOU: More beer? GASTON: What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced. LEFOU: Who you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together! LEFOU Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston, Looking so down in the dumps. Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston, Even when taking your lumps. There's no man in town as admired as you, You're everyone's favorite guy. Everyone's awed and inspired by you, And it's not very hard to see why! No one's slick as Gaston, No one's quick as Gaston, No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's. For there's no man in town half as manly, Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley, And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on. LEFOU and BEERDRINKERS No one's been like Gaston, A kingpin like Gaston, No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston. GASTON As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating! LEFOU and BEERDRINKERS My, what a guy, that Gaston! Give five hurrahs! Give twelve hip hips! Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips. No one fights like Gaston, Douses lights like Gaston, BEERDRINKER 1 In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston. THREE BLONDES For there's no one as burly and brawny. GASTON As you see I've got biceps to spare. LEFOU Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny, GASTON That's right! And every last inch of me's covered with hair. BEERDRINKERS No one hits like Gaston, OTHER BEERDRINKERS Matches wits like Gaston, LEFOU In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston. GASTON I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptoooie! ALL Ten points for Gaston! GASTON When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Every morning to help me get large. And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge! ALL No one shoots like Gaston, Makes those beauts like Gaston. LEFOU Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston. GASTON I use antlers in all of my decorating! GROUP of BEERDRINKERS Say it again! ANOTHER GROUP of BEERDRINKERS Who's a man among men FIRST GROUP And let's say it once more. SECOND GROUP Who's that hero next door? ALL Who's a super success? Don't you know? Can't you guess? Ask his fans and his five hangers-on. There's just one guy in town, Who's got all of it down! LEFOU (*) And his name's G-A-S-...T... G-A-S-T-E... G-A-S-T-O... Oh! ALL Gaston! (*) not in movie. - * From : quark@csa.bu.edu (Paul Fu, Jr.)