T'was the night before Christmas And all through the hood Ain't shit that was stirring: Nope, it was all good The stocking was hung on my big fat dick We was hoping to get some of that good shit From old jolly Saint Nick The children were snuggled up, sleeping in bed My bitch on my jock, giving holiday head When outside my crib there rolled such a clatter I stuck my head out and yelled "What tha fuck is the matter?!" Then a fat, red pimp got out of his ride It was perfectly clear he was from the North Side "Yo Santa what's up? Did you bring me some chronic?" And Tanqueray gin I can mix with my tonic? He said "ho, ho, ho" and opened his sack It was stuffed full of endo, had to take a step back "Is this for the Dogg? Did you bring this for me? To blaze with my hoes and my closest homies?" He just nodded his head, his eyes about shut It was then that I knew: Saint Nick was fucked up He ate all my motherfuckin' cookies I left on the plate Then he went to the fridge And he ate, and he ate, and that fat motherfucka ate And when he was done When the cupboard was bare He packed his shit up and got outta there "Good night Doggy Dogg!" he said from the sky "Merry Christmas to all you motherfuckers And to all a good high"